Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
