hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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