i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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