Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize