Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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