He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
