I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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