I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
