I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
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