with your own penis?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
