dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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