I'm so fucking centered right now
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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