Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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