:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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