4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
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my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dicks are not precious.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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