Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
