Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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