You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
