i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
