i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Randomize
