NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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