people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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