oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
