I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize