I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
