he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
