her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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