If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
