i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
