dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
