Jerry, you need to find god
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
