I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
