Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We have so much sex to catch up on
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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