OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
