I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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