32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
