Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
