watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what day is it and did you see me today?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
