either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
