I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
