I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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