Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
