Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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