i just wanna soil my oats bro
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
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I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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