So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
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I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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