If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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