i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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