I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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