i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize