Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
