No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
being pregnant is like rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza