Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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