Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
