True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
