According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
