Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
