I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
