Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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