can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
