Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
