I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
