He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
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You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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