Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
